Paradise in me, Brian/OC (Ammie) rp - Hinahon and Morningstar

I pout as you're saying you don' t like the fact that i smoke, but the reason for it is so so sweet...
plus I'm blushing already because all the other things you said..
"you know... I'm kind of happy that smoking is the only thing i do... from all the unhealthy and dangerous things I did to myself in the past 20 years this is the less dangerous one... and I'm kind of happy that from all my vices and bad habits it is the only one that stayed. of course it would have been better if there was nothing... but one can not be perfect, right?" i say with a small sigh.
I guess that the drugs and alcohool part is the price to pay for being famous.
I suppose that every artist went through it... at first you do it for the pleasure, then as an excuse to keep being inspired.... and then the addiction...
but those dark days are over, now I have light in my life, and that is you

Since we're talking about all sort of things, maybe it would be a good time to ask you things i had in mind for a while... I don't think you'll really like them but...
You see that I'm kinda thinking so anyway now I have to tell you...
"It's just that those days i've been asking myself questions... not really happy but i'm kinda curious..."
You're worried so I just reassure you that it shall never happen, that I just want to know how you would react...
"I was asking myself... how would you have reacted if you didn't want the baby but that I wanted to keep it?" I ask you. I know it wouldn't happen since you're the one that proposed it.
"And also... if I had an accident... I don't want it to happen and i'm pretty sure i'll be fine but... If i had a severe accident and you had only two options: Saving me but then they would have to make the baby come sooner and he wouldn't survive and i wouldn't be able to have another child or having the baby come safely but causing me to die... What would you chose?"
It's a question I've been asking myself too... what would I ask you to do?... Save me or save our baby?... And in the end I thought I would be saving the baby... because I would kinda survive by him... but if I survive and we can't have another baby... I don't know how I would take it.
But I'm pretty sure nothing would happen.

I bite my lips when you're asking me these questions... it's really... well it really isnot the case especially for the first one
"I really don't know .... I... I can't really imagine myself not wanting to have a child.... "
But when i think of it.... I don't know...
"I think i would ask you to give up the baby... but if you really didn't want to I am not able to stop you from having a child.... it is your life as much as mine, and since the baby develops in your body you have more rights against it than I do... plus I don't see why I wouldn't want a child actually, I'm not poor to say that I can't raise him... so abortion wouldn't be needed.. I might just not give him all the love in the world" I sa with a shrug
It's really hard to put myself in this situation....
As for the second one.... it's... it's... it's making me extremely sad to even think about it...
"why are you asking me this?" I say biting my lips... it's so...
"I think... I would.... save you..." I sigh.... "it's a difficult choice... but I don't really see myself living without you... so this means that I can't give you up that easily... besides my life would be so empty if you weren't here and I'm afraid I would make the child's life hell by accusing him that he killed you.... after all if you were to die at his birth, it would be his fault in a very strange way... I'm sure I would save you... because even if we can't have a child of our own we can still adopt."

OMG CUTEST POST EVER

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You're asking me why I'm asking this and I can see it's trully painful for you to answer them, especially the second one...
"It's just that I've been asking this to myself... I tend to ask myself some questions sometimes, as if I'd need to know this issue in worse situations..." I say shrugging. I don't really know why, i just do.
"For the first one... If you didn't want the baby and I wanted it... I would have still given up... I would have had an abortion..."
I look up at you and smile a bit.
"Because for me you are everything... and that for me, your happiness will always come first... especially before mine... So I would do what would actually make you happy, even if I have to give up some of my wantings for this..."
I just come closer to you.
"As for the second... I would ask you to save the baby... Not only because a part of me would still be here, but because I already lived... and he would only start his life. And even if it may sound crazy and fucked up, I think that if i was to die soon... I wouldn't be sad... I lived almost everything I could ever dream about... so there isn't much that I would regret in the end..."

Edited by Hinahon - 12/11/2009, 00:16

"I think there are many things we can still live.... " I say with a smile "you haven't lived the experience of being a mother, even an adoptive one yet... you haven't experienced seeing your child grow and have a happy life, hurt himself for the first time, make friends, giggle, run, find love.... get married, have children himself or herself.... and I don't want you to miss out on any of these.... When I told you that I wanted to share my life with you it means that my life shall cease with yours... I might still be alive, physically, but I think my heart would be shut down forever..." I have a small tear crawling in the corner of my eyes as I'm saying all this.
It saddness me to an enormous extent to talk about your hypothetical death... to think about it... I haven't and i couldn't imagine a more horrible thing.
"but enough of this sad talk! this is not going to happen... plus I'm pretty sure that even if something bad happens it won't be this bad..." I say with an encouraging smile
"you're in perfect health, so is the baby and we're gonna have that confirmed in a few days"

I wipe your tear away as I see it. I don't want you to cry, even though I know it's normal when we're talking about such things.
"I know we're in perfect health..." I say with a smile and kiss you softly.
"We should get out of here" I say smiling as we've been in the water for quite a while already.
So we're getting out and drying ourselves out. And then as we still have a bit of time before dinner, we decide to head to our room.
We lay down on the bed and we're just cuddling and chatting.

We're talking in bed about the days to come... cuddling and giving each other small kisses.
Of course we forget about dinner time... as we're spending such a lovely moment we just don't realize how time flies.
That's when I hear Stefan's voice calling us... it was our turn to prepare something to eat.
But when we get downstairs everything's ready.
The table's set, dinner's ready... and there are even candles and such things in the room
"what's the occasion?"
"None really... " Kay answers "we just wanted to have a classy dinner for once"

"Ermmmm... If we're having a classy dinner, what are fries and burgers doing on the table?" I ask...
"Well most of the food is kinda classy too, let's just say they're like the exception that confirm the rules."
I just start laughing as she says that.
"Well, you can laugh but it's mostly about you that we never know what to do because you seem to have a dictator inside you that's telling you what to eat" I just laugh even more as she says that.
"Not my fault if the baby is actually making me crave some things."

I can't help but burst into laughter as they're talking about the little dictator...
"oh come on, I'm sure our baby's not that bad... at least she doesn't ask me to go out for strawberries at 2 am and yells if all the shops are closed and I couldn't get any, and you'd never do that, would you ammie?" i ask looking at you with puppy eyes
I mean you were still a bit rational in your cravings even though for two minutes you wanted fries and then chocolate and then strawberries and then chicken and then... welll there's not always a logic in what you actually want to eat when you're pregnant I suppose

"Well, I'm not really hungry at night, or I just eat sweets." I say with a smile.
Though it's true that all day long I crave all sorts of food.
We're sitting down and eating and I actually eat a bit of everything.
Burger, fries, veggies, meat... I'm like eating like mad and I feel a bit ashamed for this but I guess it's not really my fault.
I mean before I was eating like i used to, but I have to stay aware that i have to eat for two. And that if I don't eat enough, the baby takes everything and I'm left being very tired because my body don't get all the vitamins it needs.
"I don't think the baby will be missing anything" I say laughing. It's like he "tells" me if there's nothing missing...

"No he really doesn't seem to be missing anything: the love, the attention nor the food" I say with a huge smile
"I hope he or she won't turn out to be obese... because sometimes I do think you're eating for four" Miranda grins...
"that's because you eat for half a person... that's why you look almost anorexic sometimes" I reply with a small shrug
I know that our lovely will be perfectly healthy when he or she will get born
"I'm sure ammie's feeding him just fine.... I wonder how much you'll eat when you're gonna be pregnant really..."
this entire food baby talk makes me want to stop eating
though the dishes are delicious and the presentation Is perfect

We're just finishing eating and then we're just going back to our rooms.
I'm getting undressed and getting in bed. You're actually still standing fulling dressed when I look at you.
"Join me?" I ask with a smile.
I don't really want to do anything right now...
Just be with you... be happy... be in love...

"of course I'll join you" I say with a smile....
how couldn't I? I mean you look so adorable... I think that even if had a lot of things to do right now i still couldn't resist you
"I love you" I whisper in your ear as I am holding you in my arms
"you know... you're one amazing woman" I bite on your ear gently...
"do you wanna do something special, except cuddling?"

"Well... I didn't have anything in mind" I say with a smile.
I kiss you softly and smile again caressing your cheek softly.
"I just want to be with you, it doesn't really matter what we do."
I'm laying there in your arms and I think I never felt so happy... Because I know that know I won't be alone...
"Did you have anything in mind?" I ask you

"No I didn't really have anything in mind except... well... "
I try to take a thoughtful look
"well except maybe.... how should I put it? Spending the rest of my life with you and making you happy? " I giggle as I see you smiling
"and... I was also thinking that I should treat you like a princess... and... hmmm... what else?"
"Oh yes! that I should tell you that I loved you from the bottom of my heart, and same goes for the little baby of yours that you are carrying... no... other than all this I don't think that I have anything else in mind"