| The boy from the back of the class
Brian Molko of Placebo is the boy in the observation class of alternative pop. And the need for acceptance, a familiar feeling since childhood, hasn’t disappeared .
Brian Molko points at his imagined portrait in the mirror. “When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I don't say to myself Good morning rock star", Brian Molko says. "You know", he adds and laughs.
Nasal evil laugh sounds like Molko is blowing it off his nose.
In his ponytail and dark collar shirt Molko looks more like an architect than a rock star. The conference room in a luxury hotel in Berlin is spacious but dim. The smoke from Molko's cigarette is barely visible.
Brian Molko, 36, born in Belgium, is the frontman of a British band Placebo. The trio has played dark but glittering guitar rock for as long as a teenager has lived, published five - soon to be six - studio albums and lived unreasonably.
Besides his music Molko is known for his drug abuse: he has always spoken directly about substance, even bragged about it. In addition to that he has pissed off numerous artists with his comments. Especially Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins ("I never want to become like him and think me, me, me, me, me, I have influenced on his look, that is my song rearranged") and Fred Durst ("he's a psychopath, Limp Bizkit is the best joke of the year") have got their share.
Tiny Molko has in fact confessed in interviews that his big mouth has gotten him into trouble ("if someone punched me I'd tell my drummer to beat them").
Sitting in a leather sofa Molko insures now that substance and messing around are part of the past. "I have hurt so many people. It's totally unnecessary, but I was angry and arrogant young man then."
Before becoming an arrogant rock star Molko was a lonely little boy, who didn't have time to make friends. His family moved a lot and he's lived for example in Liberia, Lebanon and Luxembourg.
Molko grew up in a very religious environment. Especially his mother was religious and pressured his son towards the same direction. Molko has indeed said, that he gave his life to Christ at the age of 11 but took it back when he was 14. "I'm not religious but I'm definitely very spiritual person. I've always said that religion is for people who are scared of ending up in hell. Spirituality is for those who've already been there."
His laughter fills the room again.
Molko imagines what would his god be like, if he believed in one: "Black woman playing funky drums. Yes, a large assed mama playing drums for James Brown." "I looove the funk" Molko giggles and taps the floor with his foot.
Molko's banker father wanted his son to become a business man. Brian himself had other things in mind. He left Luxembourg to London to study drama at Goldsmith's. Even though Molko didn't become an actor, going to drama school was the right choice: he bumped into Stefan Olsdal at South Kensington tube station. Molko and Gothenburg born Olsdal had gone to same school in Luxembourg but hadn't gotten to know each other before.
They founded Placebo, Molko sang, Olsdal played the bass. Couple of years later Steve Hewitt became the drummer.
Thanks to Molko's personal, gender-free voice Placebo's sound has always been very recognisable. In the early days of the band Molko used to wear a dress and make-up. He was often mistaken for a woman.
"I did that for a long time because I could do it and because I wanted to mess with certain people's head. I wanted guys who hate gays to think I'm really cute." Molko says. After the gig they came to talk to the girl singer whom they found out to be a boy. "It was a small personal crusade against homophobia. I don't wear dresses anymore, I guess I grew out of it. Back then it was important to me, a political statement.", bisexual Molko continues.
He thinks that the rock star seen on stage isn't a role but the most spectacular side of the real Brian Molko. "It's me, I don't act. I often feel like sort of an erotic dancer on stage. I'm not like that all the time, but I need it to be able to feel really happy."
The word "happy" repeats often in Molko's speech. It also can be heard in the new album, the album that Molko has been talking about for three days in Berlin. Battle for the Sun has been described as being sunny and positive, literally. "It's not always easy to lead your life the way that you can feel compassion, respect or generosity towards other people, but I believe that only by serving others can you find inner peace. That's was basically the idea that the new album is about."
Battle for the Sun is in fact a complete opposite to it's predecessor Meds from three years ago. "Meds was probably the darkest album we've made. It was very claustrophobic, suffocating - as if you were looking into someone's private pain with a microscope. We wanted to make an album that's more about joy than suffering, because they are equally important and connected to each other."
A year before Meds Molko's long term partner Helena Berg had given birth to their first born son, Cody. Still there was the same problem driven young man from ten years ago singing on the Meds.
Parenthood can't be heard in the songs now either.
"I still swear", he says and laughs in the now familiar way. "I still talk about things that are difficult and that some people think are controversial, but to me they are important. I have written about sex because previously I just wanted to have it as much as possible. After a while I did realise that life is supposed to be about quality, not quantity."
The change of perspective has also meant heavy sacrifices. Last year Molko fired Hewitt. He played in Placebo for over a decade - and prevented Molko's big mouth from becoming swollen. To his place Molko took Steve Forrest, 22 year old Californian drummer.
Molko reasons his decision for a long time. He has said Hewitt and Olsdal being his best friends and more: they both are like my husbands, I love them more than I've loved other men on this planet.
"Stef and I have been partners in crime for 15 years. It's too valuable thing to be thrown away because of drugs so we made the band healthy. It was necessary if we wanted to go on. Everyone didn't want to mend their ways so unfortunately we couldn't continue working together. "
Molko mutters his last words. He and Hewitt haven't spoken to each other for over two years.
"It's sad. All break-ups are sad, but they happen all the time, every day. They're a part of life. There comes moments when I have to protect myself. My happiness and wellbeing are more important than someone else's selfishness." Molko adds and sounds almost bitter about the break-up in which he was the one who left the other one.
"The band is much happier now than before. It feels good to be in Placebo nowadays." Molko insures - not only to the reporter but also himself.
Bob Dylan, Suzanne Vega and of course Placebo. Those are the favourite artists of Molko's four year old son Cody. "He dances around when he hears our songs" the proud father tells.
What about when it comes the time to have the traditional father-son discussion about drugs and sex?
"It's not for ten years, so I wouldn't worry about that yet! I want him to be happy, he deserves that. If Cody wants to become a rock star or if he wants to become a cab driver, it's all up to him. I'm definitely not going to influence on that. He can follow his own dreams."
Placebo's albums have been sold worldwide over ten million copies. One of the fans is David Bowie, but the major part of them is young people who identify themselves with Molko. Despite his popularity he still considers both himself and the band outsiders. "I don't know how much success is needed for me to feel accepted. Being an outsider is a big part of my identity. We appeal to people who feel they don't fit in. It's really great to be their voice. To make them feel that there's someone who truly understands where they are and what is happening in their lives."
When Molko sings Let's follow the cops back home and rob their houses the responsibility is not on him but the listener. "I just express myself and my view of the world. People make the decision whether or not to listen to our music. Or do you think a writer feels responsible of those who read his/hers books? Brett Easton Ellis couldn't have been able to write American Psycho if he had been worrying his responsibility. At least it wouldn't have become so groundbreaking book. Same applies to the movie makers." Molko says.
Molko says he doesn't want to be any kind of godlike being to the fans that adore him. "If I thought that I would become like Billy Corgan" he mocks.
But what about the fans who listen to the songs with their heart in their throat.
"I think that some of our fans take Placebo a little too serious. Sometimes I just would like to shake them and say that it's just a fucking rock band, you know."
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