Without you i'm just me, Warning: this should be Mpreg.

So new rp

I'm Brian and Special dreams is Steve Forrest

and I start ^^


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Day one...
We're leaving today. And... I didn't finish packing. To be honest I don't really want to hurry, knowing that soon we'll be in a plane to Mexico...
The tour is starting and I really like the idea of playing everywhere... But not the one of being in a plane for so long.
As for the others, they seem pretty cool. Stef is still his calm self and Steve... well... still the hyperactive kid he was a few months ago when we told him he would be kinda in.
To be honest, he's not totally in yet. But hopefully, if he can take it, by the end of the tour, he'll be totally in.
Then, for relation as people, I'm still really getting along with Stef, he's still someone special for me. And Steve... I'm getting to know him and like him... Though there are still things I'm not really sure about. Number one being his sexuality...

I don't even know how to describe my current state. It's a range of emotions going from excited to anxious to confused to utter self-doubt. This is big and this is...this is what've always wanted. What I dreamed about for so long. Now it seems almost too good to be true. When you think about what you most want in life you never consider how scary it is to actually get it. Someone might take it away or you might just get a glimpse of it before it is taken away again. That'd be horrible.

My bags are packed. Well, I haven't done much unpacking every since I arrived in London, so it was just a matter of sorting the dirty clothes out and putting the things I absolutely needed in my messenger bag. We're meeting at the airport and the drive there in one of the weird cabs has me anxious. I try to focus on these weird people, driving on the wrong side of the street (at least in my opinion) but it doesn't work. None of the other's is at the airport when I arrive and getting a coffee is probably not the best decision I've ever made. Caffeine makes me even more jittery. But at least it gives my hands something to do.

I can't delay more now I really have to pack or then I wouldn't only have the fear of flying but also the one of Alex killing me the sec I get to the airport. So I quickly pack my things and call a cab.
I know i'll be the last one to get there... But Alex and Stef are used to it now.
When I finally get to the airport, I find everybody having a coffee, apparently waiting for me.
"So you finally came" Stef just say with a small smile. He knows how bad my fear is so he's not saying much more... I see Steve looking at me weirdly but i don't say anything.
"Can we get done with it?" I ask Alex who nods.
The second after, we're all heading for check in and soon after we're on that fucking plane.

I've always liked flying. It is kind of fascinating to sit on a plane and watch the world pass beyond you. It's like leaving troubles behind because so high up they can't reach you. That said I've never liked the entire process that leads up to being actually on a plane. The waiting, the security checks. Did I mention the waiting? Yeah. It's not really great. Today I mostly busy myself with texting, trying to hide my nervousness and smiling at encouraging texts from friends. It is gonna suck, not seeing them all for such a long time.

finally on the plane I collapse in the next best seat that whoever pushes me in, not really minding. I've never been the kind of guy who was picky about where he sat or who needed a window seat. I'll just be happy wherever.

Of course as always, I'm making sure I DON'T get a seat near one of those windows. To be honest, it would only make things worse.
I always try to sleep why flying... but sometimes it's just hard. And this time I'm seating next to Steve. And even if Stef is near me...
I guess I won't really be able to sleep with Steve next to me.
I can see he's pretty excited about all this.
I close my fists tight as I feel we're leaving the ground. How I wish it would pass quickly...
Though it's still a long ride till we'll get there.

I know I should try and be still but I can't help being excited, nervous, buzzing with energy. I've always had too much of that and right now it is making me jittery because I can't find an outlet for it. Honestly, sometimes I think I quite annoy the other guys with that. I'm trying to hold back but...it's not working very well. I can't be anyone but myself. Glancing over at Brian I contemplate if I should say something or not. He doesn't look very talkative at the moment but I don't do well with silences.

I try to close my eyes, but as always, i'm too nervous to be able to sleep. I sit up in my seat and sigh.
Just knowing it will be a long ride makes it worse.
"How can you stay so calm?" I ask directing it to Steve. He's almost excited when I just can't stand this.
In all those years I should have got used to it... but it's not the case.
So I have to deal with it. I look at Stef and see that he's just sleeping peacefully.
I wish I could do the same right now.
Though it might give me time to get to chat a bit with Steve. Maybe it would also make me think about something else and forget about the fact that I'm feet away for the safe land.

"What? Oh uhm...I dunno." How eloquent I am today. Well, okay fine, I'm never eloquent. Stefan and Brian are the ones who know their way with words. "I mean, there's nothing to be really afraid of. Not more than when you drive a car, at least. A lot more car accidents than plane accidents happen, you know?" Great, now I'm babbling, but I just can't help it.

"I don't drive" I just say and then end up laughing.
"Yeah i'm 36 and never learnt how to drive... Don't need to in London..." I say.
I know you can die in tons of other ways... get ran over by a bus, of a heart attack, of some disease... Yet I can't help being scared.
"It's just that man isn't supposed to fly..." Ok... bullshit. Nice one Brian.
"And after all there aren't much between us and the imensity of the sky and then the long fall that follow till we hit the ground"

"Well but you spend a lot of time on buses still," I point out. "Not scared that something is gonna happen there then?" I ask, honestly curious. Sure there is always a little bit of an uneasy feeling when I get on a plane, but I'm mostly okay. "But men was supposed to drive?" I can't help but laugh at that.

"ermm... To be honest, I don't really think when i'm on the bus." I say shrugging.
We usually chat or sleep so in the end I don't really care. And I'm still closer to the ground so I guess it's different.
"Well, I know I'm not supposed to drive" I say laughing.
"And I guess it's better that way."
I like the fact that i'm slolwy relaxing thanks to Steve.
Maybe this kid being around me will be even better than I first thought.
"You don't have fears?" I just ask. This guy seems so... I don't know... He likes dangerous stuff and it's quite weird for me since I'm having the impression he have no fears at all.

"Why do you think when you are on a plane then?" I tease. Driving has never been much of an obstacle for me. I got me license back home when I turned 16 and had my own car from that on. To be quite honest, I've missed it in London. Cranking up the radio and just driving. "Course I do," I shrug, rubbing the back of my neck. "A lot of them." Most just don't have to do with things like driving or flying.

"I don't like the idea of being in the air I guess... I'm not a bird" I say giggling a bit nervously.
Then I just look at him confused as he says he has fears...
"Seriously? You don't look like you do" I say.
It's not that I thought he'd be Superman or something... but I didn't think something could scare him...
"What is it? If i'm not asking too much" I just ask, being quite curious to get to know more about him

"Lots of things, really," I admit, idly pulling on a loose thread on the knee of my jeans. If I keep this up there'll be a hole gaping there soon enough.
"Like...I'm afraid of the people I love dying. I'm afraid of failing." Rubbing the back of my neck I hope that he won't think that I'm stupid now.

Again I look at him being quite stunned. It's not like I didn't expect the "seeing people I love dying" thing... but being affraid of failing...
"Why are you affraid of failure?" I ask and then adds quickly.
"You're someone really talented, I don't see how you could fail..."
I'm always kinda scared of failing. But I already know that in the past, I did fail so... But him... I really don't see how he could fail